Pretty Hate Machine
by Black Crowe
Summary: Relena finds out who Heero really loves. Some Hilarious and dramatic parts! Trust me, you'll get plenty of laughs! o_O Finished!
1. Default Chapter

Pretty Hate Machine

Pretty Hate Machine

**Author's notes: **Just read it, that's all I can say. And, this is a public apology to all of my readers who always are so excited to see Relena bashing. Well, this is not one of those stories. I am opening up my one-tracked mind to see what it's like to write 1xR. But let it be known, that I will be puking every couple of minutes or so. And, this story will span in chapters. 3 to be exact. =)

**Rating: **PG

And, I would like to introduce my muse, Northstar. She gave me some pretty good ideas for this story…

Northstar: I want sap! Sap, sap, sappy!

Black Crowe: Alright ALRIGHT! If sap is what ya want, then sap is what you'll get!

Northstar: And, throw in some angst at the end, that's always nice.

Black Crowe: Fine…Sap and angst. Anything else?!

Northstar: I'm so NOT proud of you! Writing a 1xR story…I shall burn in hell for this. 

Black Crowe: Eh, it's not so bad. You'll see. 

Portrays thoughts 

~*~*~

"Roses?! For me?!" Relena gasped, and took them from her butler's hand. She flushed with excitement! Who could have sent her roses? Most likely one of her many fans. She ripped open the card, and nearly fainted. That name…the name of the one person she loved. The name of the person she will always love: Heero Yuy.

Meanwhile, at a safe house, Heero was busy typing away. He was sending an email to Relena, and for the first time in his life, he felt like he was doing something good. Something right. He smiled to himself, and could hardly wait to see her for their date that afternoon.

Duo marched into the room, and his jaw hit the floor. 

"Wait, wait a minute! What the…wait, whoah, what the hell is going on?!" Duo asked, stumbling over every word in the sentence. His eyes bugged out when he saw the email Heero was writing, and Heero shoved him back.

"Get out." Heero ordered, still typing.

"I thought you hated her! Wait… 'Affectionately Yours Heero'??! Why the hell are you putting that at the end of the email?!" Duo asked, his voice high and shrilly.

"Because I'm tired of not having any emotions. I'm tired of not having someone. And, Relena has always been there. I feel that I owe her something." Heero replied.

"Hate. You know that hate is an emotion right?" Duo asked, feeling dazed from Heero's confession.

"But it's not the right emotion. I want to know what it's like to love someone." Heero whispered quietly.

"You love Wing! Shouldn't that be enough?!" Duo asked.

Heero shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. Could you go now? I have to get ready." 

Duo had a dumbfounded and sad look on his face, but he nodded, and did as Heero asked. 

_'He loves Relena? How could that be?'_ Duo thought, as he walked down the hallway to where the other pilots were sitting. 

'Why am I so upset? This really shouldn't bother me, because I don't like Heero that way. Do I?'

In his saddened state, Duo ran into the wall. That brought forth manic laughter from Wufei, but Quatre and Trowa looked worried. Duo looked like he was ran over by a truck, kicked in the groin, and then some. 

"What's the matter Duo?" Quatre asked. Suddenly, the door bell rang. 

"That's the matter!" Duo accused, and stormed to answer the door. He about ripped it off the hinges.

"Oh hi Duo. Is Heero ready?" Relena asked sweetly. Duo suddenly felt sick. Relena saw Quatre and Trowa, and smiled at them also. Duo also noticed that she was wearing a long beige flowy-looking skirt, and a navy blue hunt coat. 

'What the hell is she wearing? And hey! How does Relena know where we are? Don't tell me that Heero told her!?! Shit!'

Duo suddenly pushed Relena outside, and followed her quickly, slamming the door.

"Why are you here?!" Duo asked, his voice deadly enough even to scare Wufei. But not Relena. She just smiled, happy as ever. But, her voice would suggest otherwise.

"Get over it Duo! I know you like him, and you're just jealous!" Relena accused.

"Wait a minute! You and I both know I don't swing that way, and why would I be jealous of you!? I'm just here to inform you that we Pilots, we have jobs. You do know that right? They're called missions?" Duo said, not finished yet, but found himself interrupted by Relena.

"I know what a mission is!" She snapped. "And I know this is you're safe house. But, Heero trusts me. Heero loves me, and you can't do anything to change that!" She said, and raised her chin in triumph. Duo suddenly turned green.

Heero walked out the door a few minutes later, in beige breeches and a black hunt coat.

"Ready…honey?" Heero asked, and gave a look of disdain toward Duo.

"Of course dear." Relena replied, and linked arms with Heero. 

"Just where do you think you two are going?!" Duo asked.

"Horseback riding in the park." Relena called over her shoulder. 

"Heero! You do know that you are jeopardizing the mission?!"

"Hn. Ill see you when I get back." Heero said, and Duo watched them leave.

With a heavy sigh, Duo went back in the safe house.

"Injustice?! Was that Relena Peacecraft I just saw?!" Wufei demanded.

"Yes…now what was she doing here?" Quatre asked.

In his best mocking voice of Relena, Duo replied: "'They're going horseback riding. Together. In 'the' park.'" 

"Ugh." Trowa replied, shaking his head and grimacing.

"What has gotten into Heero?" Quatre asked.

Duo shrugged. "Im not sure, but Im going to get to the bottom of it!"

~*~*~

Meanwhile, Heero and Relena were at a local riding stable, where they got to choose their mounts. 

Relena chose an older dapple gray gelding, who had plenty of miles under him. He was very calm and reliable, and Relena led him off to a groom who would saddle the horse.

Heero, on the other hand, chose a lively buckskin mare who tried to take his arm off as he pet her. 

"Oh no Heero! That wont do! You need a kind horse!" Relena said, obviously disapproving of the mare. Heero just shrugged.

"I like her spirit. I'll ride her." Heero said, then led the mare out of the stall. 

"Ok Heero. Whatever you want is fine with me." Relena said, smiling. Heero just nodded. He began to saddle the mare, and Relena shrieked. 

"What is it?" Heero asked.

"You cannot saddle that horse! That is what grooms are for!" Relena said, completely horrified that Heero was saddling the mare himself.

"Relena, it's good not to depend on other people. Besides, I would rather depend on myself than some hired help." Heero said, and quickly mounted. Relena gasped, then ran over to her horse. She required help, since she was riding side saddle. Heero sighed, and urged the mare to walk towards Relena and her horse.

After Relena was mounted and had the reins in a firm grip, the two rode off towards the park. 

"Im so glad that you love me." Relena said, smiling with glee at Heero.

"Hn. So am I." He replied, and tightened his hold on the reins. He urged his mount into a canter, and the mare tossed her head, but quickly obliged and moved at a faster gait. 

Heero loved the feel of the wind against his face, and the feel of his mounts black mane getting tangled in his fingers. He slowly turned his head to look back, and saw that Relena was having difficulty with her horse. The supposed 'reliable' one. The old gelding was rather temperamental, and kept bucking every time Relena tried to get him to canter.

"Heeeeeeerrrrrrroooooooo!" Relena shrieked, as the gelding finally complied and took off at full speed. Heero laughed, then got a look of determination on his handsome face. He wheeled his mare around, who reared slightly, then took off after Relena and her horse. His mount needed no urging, and she sped up on her own accord. 

Heero and his mount began to inch up on Relena and her runaway horse, and Heero noticed that she let go of the reins in her state of panic. Relena was screaming and waving her hands wildly in the air, and Heero began to laugh again. 

He suddenly urged his mount faster, and the little mare found more speed within her weary legs and surged past the screaming Relena. Heero quickly stopped his mount in the oncoming path of Relena's horse, and the horse did exactly what Heero hoped. Stop. 

But, Heero did fail to realize that Relena would go flying. Which she did. She landed in a heap of grass and dead leaves, and finally skidded to a stop near a tree. Heero tried to not to laugh, and instead, focused his attention on the gray gelding, who was lifting his front leg in discomfort.

Heero quickly dismounted, and noticed the gelding lost his shoe. They would have to walk the horse back to the stables so they wouldn't tear up the tender hoof. Relena managed to get up on her own, and quickly took the reins of her horse and began to walk away.

"Relena? Are you alright?" Heero called after her, and took the reins of his mount and ran after her. 

"Just fine! No thanks to you!" Relena spat, and continued to walk. 

"Im sorry…but your horse was hurt! I think the welfare of an animal is a little more important. They cant tell us what is wrong with them." Heero said, a look of hurt on his face.

Relena suddenly felt terrible. 

"Oh Heero! Im so sorry!" She threw her arms around his neck, and held him.

"Not only are you handsome and you love me, but you care about animals too!" Relena cried, and hugged him again.

Heero just nodded, and he pulled away from her. He pushed a few wild strands of hair away from her face and behind her ear. 

"You look so pretty today." Heero said softly, and cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her tenderly. 

Relena began to cry again, and she took Heero's hand.

"Come on," She said between sobs, "We have dinner reservations that we cannot miss."

~*~*~

-Black Crowe

Oh Lord, strike me dead right now! I cannot believe I just wrote all that! But I would continue to read this story if I were you. Trust me, I won't disappoint. 


	2. Chapter 2

Pretty Hate Machine

Pretty Hate Machine

**Author's Notes: **Yes, I'm back again with the 2nd chapter. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, there's more where that came from. Funniebones, yes, it is supposed to be funny. =) This chapter will also have a lot of funny stuff, and a little angst. 

Northstar: Yes, I think it is time for some angst.

Black Crowe: Yes, I am aware of that. There will be some angst, and the end of this chapter will be a cliff hanger! (evil laugh)

**Rating: **PG. There is implied 3x4 in this chapter

I do not own Gundam Wing, so, you cannot sue me. Once again, if I did own it, Relena would not exist. =)

~*~*~

Heero and Relena continued walking back towards the stables, which was a long way off. After a few minutes, Relena began to complain.

"I am so tired! Why do we have to walk again? Heero?"

Heero didn't hear her. He was busy petting his mount's velvety muzzle, and the mare was nuzzling him back. They seemed to have established some sort of bond.

"HEERO?! Did you hear me?!" Relana asked suddenly, causing her horse to spook and move away from her.

"You nag! I hate you!" Relena cried, and threw down the reins.

"Heero! I'm tired of walking! And my horse hates me! Can I ride your horse? My feet are so tired!" Relena finished softly, giving Heero a puppy dog look.

"Fine," Heero sighed, and handed Relena his reins. Relena smiled with glee, and went to the right side of the mare. She placed her hands on the English saddle, with one hand holding the reins, and lifted her foot up. Heero obliged, and hoisted her up into the saddle. 

Immediately, the little mare pinned her ears. Before Relena could even get her other foot in the stirrup, the mare took off toward the stables.

Heero stood there dumbfounded, as did the gray gelding. He cracked a grin when he heard Relena's screams again, but immediately raced after her on foot. 

Relena lost her balance, and started to slip off the speedy mare. Her left foot was still stuck in the stirrup, and she was being hauled along the ground as the mare raced along the woody path of the park back toward the stables. 

The trip back wasn't that long since the mare was running, and she immediately slowed down in front of the closed gate in front of the stables. She lowered her head toward the disheveled Relena, and nickered. 

"You hideous beast!" Relena roared, and violently pulled her foot out of the stirrup. Heero came jogging up on Relena's horse a few minutes later, and the gelding seemed to obey Heero just fine.

Relena looked up in shock and disgust, then managed to stand up with Heero's help.

"I'm so sorry Relena! I can't believe the horse just took off like that!" Heero said sincerely.

"That's twice in one day!" Relena spat, and threw the reins to a waiting groom. Heero handed the reins of the gelding to the same groom, and they walked off together.

Heero took in Relena's appearance, and chuckled. She was covered in dirt, and had leaves and small twigs in her unruly hair and outfit. She didn't seem to notice though.

As they continued to walk away, Relena took a misstep and broke the heel of her right riding shoe, causing her to fall over into the grass. She sat there with an incredulous look on her face. Heero just smiled at her, and offered his hand. 

"Wait! I cannot make an appearance at the restaurant looking like this!" Relena shrieked.

"I have to go home to change!"

Heero looked at his watch. "We can't be late for the reservations, like you said." Heero replied, and Relena just scowled at him.

~*~*~

"Miss Relena, I am sorry, but you cannot come into this restaurant looking like that. We have a dress code." The manager said, looking over Relena with obvious disapproval. 

Heero and Relena had just walked into the luxurious and very expensive restaurant, and Relena was being turned away.

"I am your best customer!" Relena hissed. "You better let me in here, or I will see to it that this establishment closes down! You will have…rats, or something of that matter!" Relena threatened. 

The manager just nodded in fear, and showed Relena and Heero to their most private and romantic table for two in the back of the restaurant. Everyone in the restaurant stopped talking and eating to stare at the dirt/leaf/twig covered Relena, as she and Heero made their way through the restaurant. Everyone except Quatre and Duo. 

Quatre had decided to take Duo out to eat at the same restaurant. He figured it would cheer his friend up. And besides, it was good for him to get out of the safe house.

"I can't believe Heero loves Relena!" Duo said softly, absently twirling his spoon in the soup.

Quatre smiled with encouragement. "It's just a phase Duo, trust me. And, by the way, I thought you and Heero were just friends?" Quatre asked.

"Well, we were. Or so I thought." Duo replied. "But, now that I know he is in love with Relena, I got all of these feelings and thoughts that I never had before…" Duo said, his voice trailing off.

"Go on." Quatre said, taking a sip of his tea. 

"Well, I got jealous. What right does Relena have to take Heero away from me?!" Duo asked.

"Well, you and Heero technically were just friends. So, Relena isn't trespassing, as you feel she is." Quatre said.

"Hell yes she is! That's all she does is trespass! She trespassed at our safe house, and now Heero! She'll die for that, I'll make sure of it!" Duo swore, shaking his fist in the air.

"So, are you admitting that you love Heero?" Quatre asked.

"No…well, I don't know! I have no experience with liking another guy. I've only liked girls! I know I am most definitely NOT gay, but then why am I having these feelings?" Duo asked, suddenly very confused.

"What are you feeling?" Quatre asked.

"I'm feeling hurt and betrayed. And I feel I'm going to kill that slut when I have the chance." Duo said, eyes narrowing. He smiled at the thought of killing Relena.

"I wonder how many different ways there are to kill her." Duo thought aloud. [1]

Quatre just smiled.

Back at Relena and Heero's table, Relena was having a horrible time. One of the twigs fell out from her hair and landed in a candle, causing a large flame to burst forward. Their waiter came to put the fire out, and Relena demanded to be seated at another table without a candle.

"So, are you having a good time?" Heero asked, pausing to drink some of his water.

"Oh, just splendid." Relena said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well, that's good, because I have to tell you something." Heero said, and looked deep into Relena's eyes.

Relena's heart began to beat a hundred times per minute, and she felt she would swoon from the intense look in Heero's eyes.

"Whatever it is Heero, it's yes! Oh yes!" Relana replied, and Heero smiled at her. 

-Black Crowe

Tehehehe! What did you guys think?! Also, [1] refers to my other story, called "So Many Different Ways." It's a story about all the different ways Relena can be killed. =) HAHA!

Stick around for the last chapter! 


	3. Chapter 3

Pretty Hate Machine

Pretty Hate Machine

**Author's Notes: **Well, here it is, the final chapter. Sorry it took so long. Well, most characters in this chapter are OOC. Sorry, it has to be that way to get the point across in this chapter. You'll see what I mean. =) (evil smile)

**Rating**: PG For certain…implications

You cannot sue me, for I do not own Gundam Wing.

~*~*~

For Relena, the night had been horrible. She fell off her horse, then was pulled along the ground by Heero's horse, she was covered in dirt, leaves and twigs, she couldn't go home to change, we was almost refused to enter her favorite restaurant and she caused a small fire at the table she and Heero were sharing. Then she saw Quatre and Duo, and that almost made her want to rip her hair out and scream. Relena began to wonder what else could ruin her evening that was supposed to be so perfect, and then, Heero said the magic words:

"Well, that's good, because I have to tell you something." Heero had said. Now, at this very moment, Relena was waiting for him to tell her. Waiting for Heero to profess his undying love for her, that he had always loved her. Relena could hardly wait.

Heero stood up, with a small smile on his lips. Relena gasped. He was going to propose to her!! 

_'I knew it!'_ Relena thought excitedly. _'I knew he would propose, sooner or later.'_

_ _

Quatre suddenly looked up, and saw Heero standing and looking at Relena. He gasped, which caused Duo to turn around. What he saw made him turn white. It looked as if Heero was going to propose to the wench! 

"That's it!" Duo said between clenched teeth, and stood up. He slammed his fist on the table, and wheeled around, just in time to see Heero jump, startled that Duo was there. Duo and Heero looked at each other long and hard, and then Heero raised his voice.

"Everyone, please listen!" Heero said, his voice ringing throughout the restaurant. He took his fork and clanged it against his wine glass.

"I have something important to announce, and I want _everyone_ to hear it." Heero said. His voice had taken on a new edge, and it made Relena wince. Suddenly, she didn't want to be there at that moment. 

Everyone was staring at her. Old ladies were wiping tears from the corner of their eyes. They were going to witness a happy couple announce their love for each other, and take the next step. Some people were whistling, and Heero heard someone call 'Get on with it!', in a friendly tone mind you. 

He smiled graciously, then got down on one knee in front of Relena. She gasped. Her sudden fears gone, she allowed Heero to take her hand. 

"Relena Peacecraft, like I said, I have something wonderful to tell you." Heero said. 

"We cant hear you!" Someone said from the other side of the restaurant, and Heero grinned.

"Sorry!" He called back to the person. He took a deep breath, and said what he had wanted to say ever since he first met Duo.

"Relena, I am in love with Duo Maxwell." 

Relena screamed, an agonizing scream that rang through the restaurant for a long time. It reached the outside of the restaurant. People driving by heard it. 

Heero stood up, and walked over to Duo. He took his hand, and kissed it.

"I am so sorry Duo. For all the times I ignored you, threatened to kill you, and for anything I did that seemed careless. I truly care about you, and I wanted you to know that." Heero said, his voice full of sincerity. 

"But Heero, I don't, I'm not like that. I care about you too, but…"

Heero only smiled, and gestured toward the wailing Relena. 

"Look how it is affecting her." Heero whispered, and suddenly Duo didn't mind that Heero was openly admitting his sexuality. Duo might as well admit his too.

"I…I, I love you too Heero." Duo said, stumbling over his words. It was very strange for him to admit his true feelings about someone of the same sex. This would take some time getting used to. Heero beamed, and he took Duo's hand, and raised it high.

"This is the person I love, the person who makes me happy." Heero said, and Duo blushed.

A few men in the crowd began to cheer, as they were gay too. Quatre was crying with happiness. He knew Heero's plan all along, and was glad that Duo finally admitted it to himself that he cared for Heero.

Relena was still crying and screaming, and managed to choke out,

"But Heero?! What about me?!" 

"What about you?" Heero asked coldly. He took Duo's hand once again, and they exited the restaurant. 

Outside the restaurant, Heero sat Duo down. 

"Do you really love me?" Heero asked. "Or were you just going along with me?"

Duo looked up at him, a twinkle in his eye. "I do love you, but part of the reason I admitted it was to see Relena's reaction." Duo said, smiling devilishly. 

Heero laughed, and it was music to Duo's ears. 

"So, it's official now? You're my koi?" Duo asked, and Heero nodded. 

"And, you are mine." Heero finished. They stood up, and waited for Quatre to join them. He came bounding out the restaurant with a look of terror on his face.

"Relena blew a gasket! She is terrorizing everyone in the restaurant!" Quatre said, and the three of them were suddenly shoved aside as customers tore out of the restaurant like bats out of hell. Relena was behind them, crying and screaming, trying to get answers as to why Heero would love a man and not her!

Heero just chuckled, and he and Duo got into Quatre's car and drove off.

~*~*~

Heero was relaxing on one of the many sofas in Quatre's mansion, and was reading the morning headline of a newspaper.

Duo came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Heero's shoulders.

"Whatcha reading Hee-chan?" Duo asked, and Heero laughed. 

"Take a look for yourself." Heero said, and showed him the cover of the local newspaper.

There was a picture of Relena in tears and screaming, and above her it read,

'Relena Peacecraft Dumped For A Man Instead'

Duo burst out laughing, and said, "I guess I would be 'The Man' she was dumped for!"

Heero nodded, and smiled. "Finally, my life is perfect. I have my true love next to me, and the one person I hate is scarred for life."

-Black Crowe

**Closing Notes: **Ok, this story needs a lot of explanation. I sat around last week wondering what could be the worst thing Heero could do to Relena. Worse than even death. And, it hit me like rock! (not literally) Heero would profess his love to Duo, and choose a guy over her! That is worse than death…Relena has to live with the knowledge that the one person she loved chose a guy over her. Perfect huh? I think so. I hoped you all liked it. Sorry to all the 1xR fans. This story had to be done, and it's about time someone wrote one. =) -sigh- Poor Relena. What else could I do to the poor girl? Hehe!


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